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The Dangers of Online Dating July 13, 2007

Posted by The Love Doctor in Dating, If You Had No Interest in Sex, Online Dating, Strategery, The Case for Abstinence.
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Clay Walker’s “Then What” July 7, 2007

Posted by The Love Doctor in Cheating, Dating Zen Masters, If You Had No Interest in Sex, Just Damn Funny, Love, Music, Relationships, Strategery, You Tubes of Love.
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I first saw this video on a trip to a foreign country ten years ago.

There are so many amazing things about it.

1) The lyrics…actually pretty good… and relevant to dating and relationships
2) That it’s country music
3) That I saw it on Spanish language channel in Latin America ( I think it might have even had Spanish subtitles)
4) The video has both a country singer and caribbean steel drums in on video.

You have to watch this!

Why You Should Never Ask Them How Many People They’ve Slept With July 5, 2007

Posted by The Love Doctor in Dating, Dating in NYC, If You Had No Interest in Sex, Sex, Strategery, The Case Against Abstinence, The Case for Abstinence.

It’s a classic dilemma you meet somebody you want to connect with. In fact, you’ve never gotten along with somebody so well before. You tell them everything: your greatest stories, your strengths, your weaknesses, your fears, your hopes, your quirks, your best experiences, your worst experience.

Inevitably the question of the “number” comes up with.

“So…how many people have you slept with?”

This moment in time is critical. It could spell the end of your relationship, for no other reason than you didn’t read and hear this advice.

The Love Doctor’s advice is never EVER discuss your number of sexual partners.

Now, many people will disagree with me on this, or say that the discussion is inevitable… but I ask you…what good can actually come from having this discussion?

If the girl has a large number, or heaven forbid a bigger number than the guy, the guy’s oftentimes going to be freaked out. Look I’m not saying it’s fair or justified, but the reality is we live in a sexist society that emphasizes (consciously or unconsciously) female chastity. I can’t tell you how many stories there are of a guy who hears a number that’s higher than his and he can’t get all the girl’s previous partners out of his head (think for example of the 21 guy in Clerks).

If the guy has a huge number, it can spell the end of his image in the girl’s mind as a nice guy who’s not a player type. Whereas the girl was not jealous of other women before, it can get her head whizzing into now thinking about these girls: who were they, did you love them, have I met them, are they still you friends etc. etc. etc. Admittedly, women are better able to deal (and often actually expect it of guys in an undeniably sexist male-dominated society) with their guy having a large number, but it can still create unnecessary difficulties.

That’s why before you next answer, or ask this question yourself, ask yourself three questions:

1) Why do you want know?
2) What does it matter?
3) What good will come of knowing?

Of course, if you’re a virgin or not very experienced, you kind of have to bring these issues up. First of all, an experienced person will realize you’re not experienced anyways. When one person is new it’s a legitimate issue that needs to be talked about through communication. However, if it’s pretty clear both people are at least relatively experienced, there’s not much good that can really come of this conversation about “the number.”

It’s hard to do. You want to share everything. But this is just something that can’t help your relationship.

Moreover, what people often forget is if you do ask this question or answer it, how do you know they will answer honestly?

Unless you’re clairvoyant, you’ll never really know if their answer is completely true or not. Moreover, the higher the number, the less likely they are to give the absolute truth.

Given all that, the Love Doctor suggests, privacy first. Just tell them you don’t need to know.

Here, unlike in the context of our discriminatory military policy, don’t ask don’t tell makes sense!

– The Love Doctor

Imagine If You Had No Interest in Sex… April 12, 2007

Posted by The Love Doctor in Dating, If You Had No Interest in Sex, Sex, The Case for Abstinence.

Imagine how much more productive you would be in all aspects of your life. You would be a better and more attentive, employee, political citizen, neighbor, friend and a hundred others things.

When you think about it, it’s pretty incredible how much intellectual, emotional, and physical energy the endless search for sex consumes.

Right off the bat, you’d get a lot more sleep because you wouldn’t stay out as late when you go out. Oftentimes, we stay out that extra hour or two in the wistful hope that you’ll bump into some sexy person of the opposite sex (in some cases same sex).

Were sex not possible, and if we could only find great platonic conversations and nothing more on weekend nights, if the night wasn’t going that well, we would call it a night much sooner…as awesome as great conversation can be.

Second off the bat, you would probably do a lot more deep thinking. The distraction of sex really does consume an immense amount of our mental energy. The saying goes that men think about sex once every seven seconds. If this is anywhere near true, and each time men think about sex they do so for a second (likely an underestimate), that means they lose something near 3 hours of an entire 24 hour day thinking about sex. Imagine if those 3 hours were put to more productive uses everyday (of course part of this is sleeping, but you could also have more productive dreams as well). There’s a reason zen monks and many other men of the cloth swear off the pleasures of sex…it’s just damn distracting from deep thoughts.

Third off the bat, so many friendships have been lost fighting over a person that two people are attracted to. If there could be no sex, there could be little conflict related to sex, and therefore many broken friendships would never have been broken. Of course, these friendships may have been doomed anyways, but competition between two friends to have sex with one person can greatly increase underlying conflict between friends, and moreover, can also create new conflicts that would otherwise never have occurred.

So imagine, for a moment, if you had no interest in sex. You’d be a better rested, smarter, more liked person.

Maybe you should try abstinence…just maybe.