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Should You Sleep With Him on the First Night? March 11, 2007

Posted by The Love Doctor in Dating, Sex, Strategery.
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No. Don’t ever do this. I will be hunted down and killed by my fellow men for telling the women of the world not to do this, but if you really like a guy and want him to date you this is the absolute worst possible course of action. Of course, you already sort of know this, but you may not fully understand why and therefore have messed up a few times.

Here’s the deal. Guys are always trying to get girls to sleep with them, and if there’s any small indication of a chance of this happening, we will at least try. But with girls that we suspect we may want to seriously date in the future, we don’t want them to go home with us on the first date. Why? Don’t guys just want sex all the time? True, but there’s a couple of reasons why we don’t want to actually succeed on the first date.

1) The most important reasons. If you slept with me on the first date…who else did you/will sleep with on the first encounter in the future? This thought will forever haunt the man throughout the entire relationship. We prefer a girlfriend who made us work because it makes us feel more secure that she’s unlikely to randomly cheat on us during a drunken girls night out or something of that sort (sorry people are insecure…that’s just life).

2) Here’s another reason that is equally true but that many guys aren’t even aware of. Sleeping with somebody on the first date short circuits the entire dating process in a harmful way. Even if you are really compatible personality wise with a girl, if you sleep together on the first date, that’s all that you’ll ever do. The guy has seen all the goods and so the mystery of the courtship process is over. Your connection will be primarily sexual, even though you could have built a foundation on your personalities. This makes the connection, in the long-term, less sexy, strong, and fun than it would otherwise have been, Similarly, the guy will never really go out of his way on dates in the future because he didn’t have to do much work the first time. Why spend a lot on a girl for a sure thing. Instead of a nice dinner and night out on the town “why don’t we just watch a movie and order in?”

The ironic and problematic thing is that the guy will really try his best to get the girl to go home with him, but secretly he actually hopes that she won’t and knows that it will be harmful if he’s really into the girl.

How can you tell if the guy really just wants you to sleep with him, or is trying but secretly doesn’t want you to go home with him because he’s really into you and may want to seriously date you?

If you’re dealing with an at all competent bachelor………………….you can’t.

Sorry.

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Comments»

1. chloe - March 12, 2007

awww… how funny, once i was actually on a date when my girlfriend called while she was on a date. on the topic if she should go home with the guy, my date told me exactly all that mentioned in this blog, and i told him i disagree 100%. (he did later admit some girls are different) As a matter of fact, the only men I ended up dating seriously were the ones I had not only the mental but also physical connection with on the first date. i think the pros and cons of two people taking and touching are something similar to many rules we set up for ourselves to follow in order to avoid uncertainty. if we felt the connection, physically or emotionally, then let the connection be made. AND i think any urge to refuse our basic instinct is merely a subconscious attempt to follow those home-made rules. Worrying too much about the future, or the if-he-will-date-me-seriouslys on the FIRST date? Come one, why not just feel and embrace the possibility of love and lust? The body will always crave the mind and mind always lusts over body.

2. The Love Doctor - March 13, 2007

Question Chloe.

How many guys that you went home with on the first night…….. are still around… and are still interested in you?

3. mrod - March 13, 2007

I strongly encourage any girl on a first date with me to sleep with me that same night.

4. Cuppycake - March 13, 2007

Advising women to not sleep with a man on the first date is such an uber-macho, self-important, insecure, misogynistic, hypocritical thing to say! I slept with a man on the first date – and was treated with (up until the break up) respect, admiration, and love for the 3 1/2 years we dated after that sexy first date. Perhaps he’s a rare specimen of a non-judgmental, confident man who could see beyond my headboard. How dare my date hold it against me that I’m sleeping with him (if he’s that lucky) when he’s standing there with his pants around his ankles condom in hand? Psshaaaw!!! Ladies – it is our right to perform any consensual sexual acts (that does not involve the betrayal of another’s trust – cheating is bad) without being judged by our partner! Instead of us not giving it up on the first date out of fear that you won’t be our boyfriends, how about you guys deal with the fact that there have been men in our beds prior to you. Guess what? They’re may even be men in our beds AFTER you!! And – you think we’re sharing all the tricks on that first night? The mystery has been unveiled? Maybe if you stick around you’ll be pleasantly surprised that there is so much more to us than you ever expected.

Also, if you have the sense that we’re the type of girl who has slept with a man on the first date, don’t assume it’ll happen with you, and don’t pout if it doesn’t (we’re unpredictable beings). There’s always the second date…

5. chloe - March 13, 2007

I wanna give u an exact answer, but that’s too much details, let’s just say enough to keep me stay true to my basic instinct. Why didn’t we work out? because we just grew up or because I moved out of the continent(s).:) Over all, i see ur point, but if a woman can only get men to be seriously interested in her by playing the game of hard-to-get, then she is likely boring and disposable by nature or at least insecure about it. and sooner or later, the man is going to end up having sex with her on regular bases (say she finally tricked him into a relationship) and he will eventually lose interest. using sex as a bait isnt nearly effective to win a man’s heart than be honest with ur feelings and stay independent and interesting. but then, people have different taste and standards, i say may we all meet lovers who have similar values as we do, if not, just enjoy the dinner and stay friends;)

6. chloe - March 13, 2007

and LOL matt.

7. chloe - March 13, 2007

oh and love doc, question for ya, how many women who DIDNT sleep with u on the first date who are still around and whom you are still interested in right now? just curious ;)

8. The Love Doctor - March 17, 2007

Apologies it has taken me so long to respond to these comments. In the future I will be much faster.

As to Cuppycake’s rant about the fact that I am “uber-macho, self-important, insecure, misogynistic, hypocritical” you don’t even know me!

Just because the Love Doctor says how thinks something IS, doesn’t mean he’s happy about it!

If you don’t like the Love Doctor’s advice you don’t have to take it!

But, if you don’t agree, don’t remain silent, give your counter advice for the benefit of all the readers – but please – there’s no reason to personally disparage me because of my own!

Thanks,
The Love Doctor

9. cbreeze - March 19, 2007

hey love doc! i love how you refer to yourself in the 3rd person, so dapper….
for the longest, i have maintained that its best to build up the friendship over time before crossing over to a sexual realm. reasons: because its such an expression of intimacy, and because u want to feel comfortable and trusting enough enough to let loose, reveal what a freak you really are, and because condoms are not 100% effective and you want time to know a person’s background, and maybe because also when people are really invested in each other, they will work harder to please each other. i have found that all to be true with my current papi chulo and this approach has generally worked well in the past.
yet my take has also been challenged. maybe you can know someone for a long time and they still dont care about pleasing you and they still could be out running the streets? i’ve seen that happen to people in “serious” relationships. maybe you should be able to just run with the passion, unleash and the guy will still respect you in the morning? chloe’s asserting that its happened like that for her and im glad to know it.
because it is kind of sad for women to have to deny being sexual beings and hold back in a way just to “reel a man in”
and i would like to think we are beyond that.
but yeah i’ve generally taken the love doc’s approach in letting things simmer for a bit so i can build with a guy.
and sometimes that can be hard! going home all hot and bothered…

10. The Love Doctor - March 20, 2007

CBreeze,

That’s my take as well.

Any counterpoint experiences out there as well?

If you have a different experience, don’t just say I had a different experience, but explain why you think it worked out the way you did it.

11. cbreeze - March 25, 2007

and another thing. who wants to sleep with a guy and find out after the the fact that he’s KA-RAZEEE!

12. jessie - April 2, 2007

wow cupycake right on ,this specamin is rare put its all about atteatude and confedence..

13. jessie - April 2, 2007

My Ex and I were together 2 years and we just conected off the bat.we slept together the first night put just sleep no intercourse.It was one of the best expirences I had and yes love Dr he still calls….

14. The Love Doctor - April 3, 2007

Hi Jessie,

Thanks for your comments. While the post above is about sleeping in the more sexual sense, I’m glad that the sleeping worked out either way!

15. msteeza - April 11, 2007

Hey Love Doctor,

Okay…so what if I did sleep with a guy on our first date. I don’t normally do this…but I felt a strong physical and somewhat emotional connection to him, so I did it. I like him a lot and would like to continue dating him. We’ve been on several dates afterwards. On our second date after we slept together, he suggested dinner and a movie (rented). On another date, we watched a movie in the theater, but we ended up back at my place. In both instances, we slept together. However, we also both play ping pong, and we’re playing tomorrow…no sleeping together tomorrow for sure.

Basically…my dilemma right now is trying to tell whether he’s continuing to see me because he wants to keep sleeping with me…or if he genuinely likes me. Or maybe both?

Also…would it be a good idea (as far as building our relationship) to stop sleeping with him for awhile? Or would that just make things completely awkward?

Thanks!

16. The Love Doctor - April 12, 2007

Hi Msteeza,

It may be both. And so what if it is?

Your situation is great. Your concern is a good problem to have to have. You’ve found found somebody that you’re so into that you slept with them the first night. That’s great, and you’re really lucky,but it does create a danger that your interaction becomes only sexual.

I really don’t think starting to withdraw from sex at this point will be helpful at all. This is in fact the one thing that I advise you NOT to do.
You’ve already crossed that bridge and going back will be at least as you say awkward, and probably create serious problems and miscommunications.

I think you should keep sleeping with him, but make a real strong effort to have real interesting out of the house dates and not just the movie prelude to hookup second date that you had.

By making sure you do real activities you will learn more about each other and develop the non-sexual part of your relationship as well.

I’m not saying stay at home movie time is out forever, that would be a tad extreme.

I’m just saying that it should be the exception for about the next month or so, and then you can ease back into it.

That’s my take on it. Hope that it’s helpful, and let me/us know how it turns out.

– The Love Doctor

17. Dachs - April 12, 2007

As a guy I understand exactly what The Love Doctor has said because I have felt these feelings. However, I have learned that just because she doesn’t sleep with me on the first night it somehow means that she hasn’t jumped someone else’s bones on a first date…or is not the kind of girl that would hook up with someone in a moment of passion. And to me it doesn’t matter because as long as she can show me that she is commited to me now and knows how build a strong healthy relationship she keeps my attention.

18. The Love Doctor - April 14, 2007

Hi Dachs & Everybody,

I fully encourage people to hookup on the first date. It can often work out. This post makes the point that it can cause problems. There are always exceptions. Indeed, I dated a woman for years who I slept with on our first “date.” My point is why not play it safe and guarantee you don’t screw up a great connection just because you can’ wait a few days or weeks!

19. VicePrez - May 6, 2007

All I have to say is Carpe Diem. Enough said!

20. msteeza - May 10, 2007

Howdy Love Doctor,

Thanks for responding to my post. It was extremely helpful.

I’d just like to give you an update on how things are going between me and the guy I slept with on our first date. Things are great! We’re completely exclusive now…and we see each other almost every day (‘almost’ being the operative word because I know how important it is to have time to yourself…plus it keeps things exciting).

I didn’t mention in my previous post that we’re co-workers. I know this can get a little complicated, but we’ve laid the ground rules. Everything’s going smoothly so far…and I’m having a blast!

Hope all is well with you,
MsTeeza

21. Anna - May 16, 2007

HI
just wanted to say I love your blog, for many reasons, but mainly for the hits I get off my comments on you site. Congrats for having such high readership.
I’ll keep reading.

22. Cris - July 16, 2007

I am 31, female..divorced, through out my dating history, it only worked out with males who I have not slept with on the first date. When I aslo do that, it’s because all I want is sex, nothing else in return. I do not want I guy to be with me if his only and main focus is sex. Flat out and clear, I think way more like a guy than a girl. Bottom line, do not sleep on the first date, better saying, on the first few dates, if you are thinking of something more serious with him. We are like that…love to work hard for something…at the end, what comes easy goes easy…it’s just human nature!

23. kristi - August 2, 2007

Ok, I didn’t sleep with this guy on the first date. We went to a club and he ended up dancing with other girls. I left him there. He called the next day, and the next day and the next. Long story short a year and a half later of what I thought was a great relationship I get the I can’t see you anymore. I don’t love you, I’m not in love with you. Ok…cut and dried. I’m devastated… can’t sleep, can’t think of hardly anything but him. After 19 months of talking to this man every single day I’m cut off. So I gradually start picking up the pieces of my broken heart, drying my eyes, telling myself he doesn’t deserve this beautiful blonde goddess. I hear from a friend he’s dating his ex. The man who always told me an ex is an ex for a reason? I apparently misunderstood the reason, but oh well. He ends up drunk dialing me one night. I’m either extremely stupid, a sadist, blonde (true) or needing closure, but I meet him. He tells me all about the “relationship” with the ex. He needs his closure from her to move on. He really does love me, but he has to get 3 women out of his life first. He told me of his “master plan” to get back with these girls and crush them like they crushed him. ??? I said he was either the most insane man I’d ever met, or he was so pathetic I felt sorry for him. He asked me to please just let him do this. WTF is that supposed to mean? Let him do this so he can come crawling back? And me being the idiot woman I am and still in love with him let him DO IT??? Do I have an obligation to these women to warn them? I don’t know any of them btw. Help Dr. Love

24. Billy Badass - August 5, 2007

I don’t think this is necessarily true. I did my first one night lay the other night (its on my blog), and I still chill with the chick. I couldn’t care less about how many men she has done this with, as long as she has no STD’s. Thats my primary concern. Other then that, no reason to judge such behaivior. So ladies, feel free to jump in the sack the first night with me if you want!

I don’t think there are long term implications for this either, as long as there is plenty of effort behind the actual dating process. I can’t be attracted to a girl that I can’t hold a convo with.

But maybe most guys are different.

25. Jamaka Davis - November 20, 2007

I had sex with a guy on the 1st night and I felt like it was over so I ask him was he still interested in me and he said by us having sex on the 1st nite won’t change a thing! He always says he gonna call me but never dose,do you think he say this to have more sex?

26. leah - December 11, 2007

So I have known a guy 7 years and we have always been friends and flirted. We have the most random meetings and unusual behaviors come out when we are around eachother. I have so much fun and we cant stop laughing and totally comfortable. When he didnt pursue me before i dated a friend of his i met that of course was short lived. We hadnt seen eachother in about 2 years when we ran into eachother out one night and reconnected. He got my number and immediatly started texting. i hate the tm. so we had the discussion call me and take me out. That didnt happen. So I dropped it and deleted his number in fear of drunk dialing one night as he had me that I forceably and unwilling said no to because i wanted more than a booty call. So i run into him again after some drinks and talk and he says quote” I always liked you, I always wanted to date you, but for some reason i have never been bothered that we havent gotten together because in the back of my mind i always have known in my heart you are the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with.” after being completely floord i spoke up and said i had had a crush on him since the first time i met him yada yada but if you like me then call and take me out. so he did and of course i slept with him. the absolutely most fabulous all night long smiling ear to ear mind blowing night of my life and a dream come true in his words. so now we are on to day 4 with no phone calls and im playing the whole im ok it doesnt matter at least the sex was great so what. but being female the whole hormone thing is kicking into high speed panic mode. why hasnt he called, does he really like me, did i make a mistake by sleeping with him, could that have all been lines, is it ok since we have known eachother 7 years, was he lying, is he immature and what do i do when he does call! agh! how do i get out of panic mode? or do i even need to be in it?

27. Idetrorce - December 16, 2007

very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
Idetrorce

28. Ladybug - February 22, 2008

Just ran across this site — interesting. I slept with my husband on the 1st date and never regretted it. We were married 15 yrs “until death did us part”. Isn’t that how it is supposed to be? Great sex life, great life in general. (He passed 10 yrs ago now).

Unfortunately, I’m back on the dating scene and out of practice. — We’ll see what develops. Have a date tonight anyway.

29. may - March 5, 2008

i really like this guy, he’s teaching a night class. there’s been loads of flirting, but this weekend is the final party. I am ten years older than he is, but I don’t look it so he doesn’t know that. I am torn between taking up any opportunity to have some fun and sleep with him but then feel I risk being too available and want to see if it could be a relationship, in which case I would wait to sleep with him. all of this gets harder in your forties because you feel that god this might be the last time I get this attracted to a gorgeous man and him, me. Maybe I just need to hear that is is just not true! May

30. LindseyLauren - March 11, 2008

I recently slept with a guy on the first and second date. Something I would not normally do..but come on, I’m in my mid-twenties and have had enough experience to know that if it’s not there it is not there. First off, I think by kissing someone if the passion is there it is somewhat of a foreshadow of how the sex will be. Second, if the passion is there, run with it. Life is too short to hold back on any inhibitions as long as you’re playing the game safe. Needless to say, our relationship is very new, but if you just live in the present and take it one day at a time with no expectations..what could go wrong? Either way it is a positive experience and learning something for yourself will be guaranteed.

31. LindseyLauren - March 11, 2008

Also this is for May…go on and get it girl. If you sit around waiting for something to happen Life will pass you right on by. The fact that you are older means that by now you should have the confidence and sexual prowness to seduce any man whether they be younger or older. Take the upper hand..you know what you want-go and get it! And there are “plenty” of men out there, there will never be a last time. Be confident in yourself and just know that “you are the shit!” Rock on girlfriend.

32. staci - May 13, 2008

I just recently got divorced. I went out for the first time in about 8 years with a friend. We were having a great time. I met this guy that I felt a connection to and ended up at his place. It was great.
I had to buy him a drink, he seems a bit shy. I called him then he called me and and he mentioned something about his ex. Which i don’t htink he is quite over yet so I told him that I am interested and he has my number and the ball is in his court. He said he had to work thru a few things. I think he’s interested. I told him I was deleting his number from my phone. Well, 2 weeks later on a sat night I went out and he wasn’t there so I came home and called him and he came over. We had sex and he left sometime in the middle of the night. I like him but I want him to take me out to dinner or fishing on his boat. I feel like I’m always doing the initiative. Is this wrong, should i just stop calling him? I mean I don’t think he would of come over if he wasn’t interested unless he just wanted sex. but he didn’t have to pick up the phone either, he has caller id. He’s only down for summer, he has a shore house. Should I call him on the weekend and say i think he needs to take me out for dinner? I can’t stop thinking about him. Maybe it’s the challenge. What’s that saying you always want what you can’t have. But I don’t want to be pushy either.
Help love doc.

33. Tasoulla - June 22, 2008

what a great blog! i just woke up after a night out and feeling slightly panicky about my passionate acts. met a gorgeous guy last night, we bonded. after resisting his kisses in the club i eventually gave in outside wen the club closed. i was staying at a friends nearby and he ended up coming back with us. so we went to the spare room and after resisting and thinking about “what is the right thing to do” i gave in and followed my passion. i did recently come out of a 2 year relationship so i thought, im only young once, y not? and he too was trying to convince me to go with the flow. well of course he would be. anyways it was great and i felt completely comfortable with him. I hope he calls..!

34. Rose - June 23, 2008

I kind of agree with various points expressed here, but what if a girl does not want a serious relationship and is just out there to find a sex partner, a so called short term part time position?

Recently I have been sleeping with couple of guys whom I met at the clubs the first night, but it never worked out, I did not even have a second date. I am a bit confused as they find me quite sexy and hot (and i really think I am ), but they never call me afterwards.
So I gradually feel used, as I never managed to achieve an orgasm during any of those nights, and did not get the second chance:(
Besides, it seems like a vicious circle, when I am out there just looking for sex I usually drink and meet drunk guys, so sex sucks that night.
Or last time, I met this cute, smart, fun guy and after passionate hours of dancing went to his place, he confessed he has a very small manhood, and he was right, sex-wise it was one of the worst experiences in my life, but I kind of miss him after that one night, I sent a vague sms and he did not reply.

Love Doc, please advice, why all men I meet with the purpose of having good regular sex never call me back, how can it happen that none of them likes me enough to want to have sex the second time?
Cheers

35. Sciencerulz - July 2, 2008

I completelyl agree with LoveDoc’s theory.
In fact, this topic is of special interest to evolutionary scientists. In a recent article in TIME magazine, they concluded that mating is really all about the genes and the proliferation of the species in the best way possible. To overgeneralize, men and women want the best looking (relatively) and smartest (also relatively) mates they can find–these kind of mates are also looking for the same thing therefore they are waiting for the “right one” in which to mix their genes and have the most powerful offspring that can withstand our environment.
Further, men do not need time to reproduce–they can mate with several females in one day. Therefore they can give themselves freely without any metabolic consequence. Women, however, take 9 whole months to put forth an offspring, so it better be a good one!! Pregnancy takes up a TON of energy and metabolism in the life of a women and is very costly physically and emotionally. Birth control aside, women are born evolutionarily speaking, to be selective in their mates because of the high metabolic risk of pregnancy. When a woman sleeps with a man on the first date he “senses” that she is not selective in finding the perfect mate for her offspring and will settle without understanding of the genes involved. Therefore he “assumes” subconsciously that she, too, must not have top quality genes which she would not want to share with just any man.

This is confusing, but makes a lot of sense.

36. Gilli - August 17, 2008

I am a woman,I am educated and lucky enough to be beautiful.
I usually sleep with men on 2nd or third dateif I fancy them but am not promiscuous.In a relationship I am totally loyal.
I have never slept with a man who hasn’t been keen to see me again.
All my relationships have started like this.
I would not be interested in anyone who had these opinions.
Sex is a human Right .
If people are without a partner for months or years its no big deal
to need the closeness and human contact that is our birthright.

I have never heard such utter tosh in my whole life !!!!!!

37. The Love Doctor - September 2, 2008

Hi there,

I hope my readers do not mistake the views expressed here as an endorsement of the way things should be. This post simply states how things often are.

More importantly, Gilli’s comment does not actually contradict the post above. Gilli states she usually has sex on the second or third date.

My advice is only not to have sex on the first date.

Agreement and consensus apparently reached it seems.

– The Love Doctor

38. For Viewers Old & New . . . The Top Ten M&C Posts of All Time « Metrocards & Condoms - September 2, 2008

[…] Should You Sleep With Him on the First Night? Flowers Should I Sleep With Him on The First Date – Another View Why You Should Never Ask Them How Many People They’ve Slept With How to Get a Girl Back Dave Chapelle: The Love Contract Why Do Some Women Date Broke Ass Dudes? How Do You Juggle Two People At Once? What is the Perfect Age to Get Married? Martin Lawrence: Men Are Crazy Deranged Motherfuckas […]

39. shawtbad - November 21, 2008

I LOVE CUPPY CAKES RESPONSE –> SHE ROCKS!!!

40. UnderTheGirl - December 9, 2008

How old are you? You sound like a 25 year old. Maybe that’s the case. I found that I, as a woman, am not interested in being with a guy who is insecure about sleeping w/a woman on the first date. Guys who feel “if she did this with me who else did she to it with” are emotionally immature. Sex is sex. To get more out of the relationship you have to go beyond sex, whether you knock boots the first night you meet or two years later.

Now go watch football with your buds.

41. Rachel - December 17, 2008

So, if I may just reiterate everything I just read in the form of my own question……
I met a man online about three months ago. I met him the first time about one month ago. We have been on three dates, all of which have been a little over a week apart, as he lives almost two hours north of here. He calls everyday, at least once and/or sends a text message. He seems like the greatest guy, but I still cannot really read what he feels for me. Our last time together got pretty steamy, but no sex. I am about to burst and SO WANT HIM this Friday. Is it possible I could still ruin everything at this point by sleeping him? Could he still be doing all this just to sleep with me? He is not the world’s most talkative guy, but he really tells me nothing by way of his feelings….is this an indication he isn’t having any?

42. vicky - February 25, 2009

i slept with matt on the first date and i feel pretty shit about it because it has never ever happened to me before sex was good and then we meet again and again and i loved it and now suddenly i realized that i really do care about him but i wasnt sure what he is feeling for me 99 percent man r players
god almighty what can i do anyone interested in serious relationship where u gone???

seriously though .. i left him last night because i promised to myslef i am gonna resist him when i want him most and i feel horrible a bit that i just left his flat like that leaving him on his own

did i do right thing

i miss him

43. Lulu - March 17, 2009

I have a question- I met a guy at a club and we ended up making out and grinding pretty seriously against each other, but I didn’t sleep with him. He’s a foreigner and will only be here a couple months. We exchanged numbers but he hasn’t called, I want to go out with him and I definitely want to sleep with him but I’m not sure if I want a full-on relationship. So should I ask him out, and potentially have sex on our first proper “date”, or should I wait? This is assuming he agrees to the date.

44. neendkny - July 24, 2009

Here’s my story. I recently ran into a guy I dated 8 years ago and we hooked up that night. Now I am worried he will think I am easy. We just had a date last night and slept together again after we went out to dinner. When we dated 8 years ago, we didn’t sleep together on the first date, probably 4th or so and wound up dating for a couple of months. He was going through a lot back then, addication problems, divorce so it didn’t end on a bad note it just ended.

Just wondering if doing this is deemed the same as sleeping with someone on a first date or not, since we dated before.

45. Steph - November 13, 2009

Hi, I just started back in the dating scene and It is important to me not to sleep with a guy on the first or even a second date for that matter, I like to know them better before I do this. But so far I have several men get very moody, and take it personaly(seriously throw tantrums). I try to be up front and let them know I do like them. But it just seems to go down hill after they realize I will not do them. I would not say at all that I am trying to “reel” them into a relationship by holding out.. I like to know who I am getting involved with. But so far my experiences have been lousy with this.And I end up feeling like I did something wrong. UGH! I still feel like it is important. But unless it’s an amazing first date with a lot of communication, you are just taking your chances on wether it will last for more then a week. So far I’m the one that is still alone though….. :D dating stinks

46. confused.com - April 8, 2010

hi im really hoping that someone can give me some advice on my situation, as i havent really spoken to anyone else about it. I wouldnt really call it a secret but no-one knows ive slept with this person here goes:
Ok so ive in a relationship for four years and well i think its kinda run its course, i love my boyfriend but im not sure if im IN love with him anymore. Anyway i ended up chatting to a guy we exchanged number and spoke/texted for a few weeks. Then one night he asked me to come round and we slept together hes very well known with sports and is a ladys man to say the least. Anyway after the first time i was worried that it would just be a one night stand and that he judge me, but he assured me he didnt think of me that way. Anyway ive slept with him twice since then and i think im falling for him, i think about him all the time, hes always being mention for the job he does. I really dont know what to do, im always trying to make the effort but im not to sure if its something we can build on? and if so how do it show him that i do like him more than sex? But at the same time im still in this relationship.
Someone please advise me what to do as i cant stop thinking about this and its even effecting my sleep etc. (so dramatic i know LOL)

47. Daniella - June 16, 2010

No you should never sleep with a man in the first date.. I dont know why I did it once with this man.. He could’ve been the one for me but now I think he wont take me seriously.. I really dont know why I did it it’s not of my character.. but I did and now Im regreting it. But we still talk to each other.. He does reply to my txt msgs also I hope that in the future we can still have a chance.

48. Daniella - June 16, 2010

I think I do.. I told him we’re not having sex no more.. We didnt have sex on a second date we went out. and he still wants to see me so I might have a chance.. I also have heard of a couple that had sex the first night and they were together for 3 yrs.

49. Lori - September 27, 2010

Sleeping with someone on the first date,,it may work out and may not…I know alot of people who did not sleep together on the first date and guess what…THEY are not together any more..so it does not matter if you do or dont..

50. Sam - July 18, 2012

I am recently divorced, and at the tail end of a rocky relationship. I met a man in a bar drank too much,and slept with him, despite the fact I told myself I wouldn’t do that. He didn’t even push for it…it was me who wanted it. I went with the flow, and got what I wanted. I feel as though women should be able to do that sometimes. We have needs too. I slept with my ex husband on the first date, and we were together 13 years. I was the one who ended it. Life is too short to stress about rules. If something is meant to be, it will be.

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