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The Non-Mythology of Recovery Time February 26, 2007

Posted by The Love Doctor in Dating, Relationships, The Breakup.

The saying goes that it takes half the time you were in a relationship to really get back to full strength.

As we all know getting dumped can really set your feeling of sexiness, let alone your confidence, back about a century or two.

I was dumped by the girl I dated for two years sometime between February 17th of last year and somewhere near March 10th.

Still not clear… lol.

And it’s pretty crazy but I find myself just at this exact moment finding a girl that I might really be into for the first time. It’s pretty much right on schedule.

Perhaps, by simply unnecessarily buying into this myth I kept myself from really considering anybody seriously until a year had passed…but I don’t think so.

Of course, I’ve dated other people. I started hooking up shortly after I was dropped….whenever that actually happened. However, I wasn’t really satisfied in the sense that it didn’t really get to the point where I could say I’m really ready to date this person…anytime in the next decade.

Only after the year, half the time I was in a relationship did I really let down the barriers to say…hey I actually might…possibly consider…at some point….liking this chick…..n shit.

I think that it’s not a hard rule, but more sort of a sliding scale. So if you’re under a year it’s not 50% of the time but more like 30% recovery time. The shorter the relationship was it might even go to zero recovery time needed – i.e. in the case of a 1 month relationship, 10 days not even needed.

Same thing but worse for the over two year crowd. I think that the longer the relationship was past two years the 50% standard actually goes up a good deal. So for example a four year relationship might be pushing 60% recovery time, and end up costing you 29 months instead of 24 at 50%. This point isn’t to say you won’t date or even be in a relationship during this recovery time, but it does mean that you’re not totally over the other person.

They are still your point of reference for your dating or relationship style.

So many percentages…. So much recovery time…. So few years in our prime!


The Wait February 19, 2007

Posted by The Love Doctor in Dating, Strategery.
1 comment so far

So how long do you wait to call.

That’s a tough… call. I mean, nobody likes these stupid games, but then again Michie’s moves are not sexy.

I’m going to stay close to the limb of the tree and say that I really think Vaughn has it right and say that it’s really three days. Sure it varies based on when you meet. Like if you meet Thursday you can call Sunday night.

You can push it and give it just two days, but you’re really pushing it. If you meet on a Friday and then call Sunday that can work, but you had to have had a real real sexy connection.

In fact, the rule doesn’t really matter if you met your soulmate, because you’re meant to be together.

But what if you misjudge the soulmateness and call somebody who you think will be your soulmate, who isn’t. True it’s generally sad that you didn’t have a soulmate but you could have had a great hookup buddy and damn.. you pulled a Michie.

Because I have always waited, I can say that I’ve never lost a girl because of a phone call screw up, and that’s a pretty big victory right there.

Concurring and opposing views are welcome!

How Do You End A Dating Situation? February 19, 2007

Posted by The Love Doctor in Dating, Strategery.

Another eternal problem confronting humanity: How Do You End a Dating Situation. How do you properly end a hookup series style that is not yet a relationship?

There’s a couple of time honored approaches to this issue. Some are newer than others, but they’re all important options.

1) The unexpected text message

2) The short but sweet that’s a wrap email

3) The long babbling email

4) The no callback

5) The gradual fade away series of increasingly shorter and purposefully less interesting series of callbacks, resulting ultimately in zero callbacks

6) The direct in person confrontation

7) The letter

8) The third party intermediary friend message

9) The fax (rarely used but maybe it can get some traction)

10) Message dove (1800’s style.. currently out of style)

11) The public announcement

Now this series pretty much sums up the available ways to tell somebody that you’re just no longer interested in hooking up with them anymore. These same options describe relationship breakups, but that’s for another day. They all have their advantages.

I could go on and on about each one, but what it ultimately comes down to is that we have to make a fundamental choice. Do we sacrifice ease for our humanity, or do we embrace low stress with the likely increased suffering of that other person = inhumanity.

It’s a tough question. Sending an email is probably the best way to make it as easy as possible. You can say anything to anyone in an email. And then you just press send. Perhaps, better than the email is the text. That way you don’t have to be afraid you’ll open up your inbox and see some crazy rant there. That makes checking email slightly stressful, and who want that in their nice happy gmail account. Texting may be the best because you have a warning before you get any retaliatory crazy return tests from the person you just dropped.

I think email and texting are the most stress free way to end something, but as we all know the very worst way to get the news when you’re the recipient.

You go to check your happy gmail. Oh look an email from my hookup buddy, how nice, and then…. The horrible news that you’ve been dropped. It kind of takes the edge off of email for awhile, and you begin to open your inbox with a little bit of fear each time. Same but not as bad with a text. Problem is when you receive this text you could be in the middle of anything. There’s no screening the text in the same way as a call, and you’re more likely to be in public.

In short, horrible to receive a drop notice this way.

It’s a tough question. There’s of course the motivation of karma that drives some to do it in a way they would like it to be done to them. But what if karma doesn’t really exist.

What’s the right way to do this and why?

The discussion is open to our small world of readers.