Metrocards & Condoms

It’s a classic dilemma you meet somebody you want to connect with. In fact, you’ve never gotten along with somebody so well before. You tell them everything: your greatest stories, your strengths, your weaknesses, your fears, your hopes, your quirks, your best experiences, your worst experience.

Inevitably the question of the “number” comes up with.

“So…how many people have you slept with?”

This moment in time is critical. It could spell the end of your relationship, for no other reason than you didn’t read and hear this advice.

The Love Doctor’s advice is never EVER discuss your number of sexual partners.

Now, many people will disagree with me on this, or say that the discussion is inevitable… but I ask you…what good can actually come from having this discussion?

If the girl has a large number, or heaven forbid a bigger number than the guy, the guy’s oftentimes going to be freaked out. Look I’m not saying it’s fair or justified, but the reality is we live in a sexist society that emphasizes (consciously or unconsciously) female chastity. I can’t tell you how many stories there are of a guy who hears a number that’s higher than his and he can’t get all the girl’s previous partners out of his head (think for example of the 21 guy in Clerks).

If the guy has a huge number, it can spell the end of his image in the girl’s mind as a nice guy who’s not a player type. Whereas the girl was not jealous of other women before, it can get her head whizzing into now thinking about these girls: who were they, did you love them, have I met them, are they still you friends etc. etc. etc. Admittedly, women are better able to deal (and often actually expect it of guys in an undeniably sexist male-dominated society) with their guy having a large number, but it can still create unnecessary difficulties.

That’s why before you next answer, or ask this question yourself, ask yourself three questions:

1) Why do you want know?
2) What does it matter?
3) What good will come of knowing?

Of course, if you’re a virgin or not very experienced, you kind of have to bring these issues up. First of all, an experienced person will realize you’re not experienced anyways. When one person is new it’s a legitimate issue that needs to be talked about through communication. However, if it’s pretty clear both people are at least relatively experienced, there’s not much good that can really come of this conversation about “the number.”

It’s hard to do. You want to share everything. But this is just something that can’t help your relationship.

Moreover, what people often forget is if you do ask this question or answer it, how do you know they will answer honestly?

Unless you’re clairvoyant, you’ll never really know if their answer is completely true or not. Moreover, the higher the number, the less likely they are to give the absolute truth.

Given all that, the Love Doctor suggests, privacy first. Just tell them you don’t need to know.

Here, unlike in the context of our discriminatory military policy, don’t ask don’t tell makes sense!

- The Love Doctor