Why Do Some Women Date Broke Ass Dudes? March 27, 2007
Posted by The Love Doctor in Dating, More Money More Problems, Relationships.trackback
It’s really an amazing phenomenon. So many women have told me stories about how they would date men who have no money.
I don’t mean no money like not taking them to nice restaurants, I’m talking no money like can you pay for our pizzas tonight. No money like…really I don’t have any money… for anything.
Why would they do it?
It’s the power of control. If your boy is broke, he’s not going anywhere.
He may be cheating, he may be an asshole, he may be unsexy, but he’s yours, and that dude ain’t breaking up with you……….ever.
In addition, aside from ensuring that he will always be around, it obviously infiltrates the ongoing nature of the relationship.
The power dynamic in that relationship is undeniably shifted towards the woman. Decisions, interactions, and conversations all take place under the cloud of financial dependence. It’s an unspoken undertone of all that goes on.
Moreover, women who date one guy like this, often have dated many guys. Indeed, for a period of their lives they have often only dated guys with no money.
I think one possible explanation is that in a lot of cases these women have seen their mothers struggle with men for power in their lives and their daughters therefore seek to preemptively control men. Another is that some of their mothers are very bitter towards men (in many cases rightfully so) and infuse in their daughters a very un-trusting view of men that pushes them to attempt to preemptively control them.
Of course, I’m all for shifting the power dynamic towards women in society and in relationships, but I don’t think that this is the best way.
Indeed, I don’t think that many relationships like this end well…for probably obvious reasons.
Metrocards & Condoms 
what about women who date broke ass dudes because they love them!
you forgot that one compelling factor, doc> L-O-V-E
sheesh dont you know that girls life could be so much f’ing easier if she would split from the guy living in the pjs and instead date the (reasonably attractive) guy in his 30s with hella political contacts who offered her a six figure salary in Dubai!
dont you think there are pretty and appealling girls who get hit on by well off guys all the time? but the same could be said for the guy who gets hit on all the time by girls with better cooking skills or i dunno a bigger butt i dunno.
if you have any integrity you will stick by the person you love even if its not easy. even if there are things you dont always love about them.
its called loyalty, its called not being shallow, (in some case, its called hoping like hell his next film or album makes it)
thats like saying why do some dudes date broke girls or fat girls.
for emotional spiritual intellectual or the myriad other reasons that people love each other.
but its not easy to be with someone broke, he has to be perfect in almost every other way and posess a “magic stick” wink, wink
Hold up what about men that hate broke women?
Let’s look at this all the way around. We men hate broke women just as much if not more than you hate broke men. Plus many women think that it’s a man’s job to “save” a woman from her financial distress when she is 99% of the time responsible for her own problems (bad credit etc.). Men, no hold up I stand corrected, “Good men” have bills on our own for example a car note for a car that you want to ride in, drive, or have the door opened up for you to sit, we have a mortgage, that’s right mortgage not rent, we have to keep ourselve’s groomed , hair cut manicures, bearded and trimmed, you don’t hear us telling our home boys “my woman got my hair cut”. See I don’t know why women want the men in their lives to do things for them that they should do for themselves. That’s right ladies, get your own weave done, get your own nails done, get your own eyebrows waxed, and get your own feet done. Is that not what you expect us to do for ourselves? Oh another thing, just because you are minus a “magic stick” doesn’t make you handicapped and you need a man to take care of you. Get your own stuff together and put together with a man that already has his stuff together and stop looking for handouts just because you’re a woman. “Because you’re a woman and he’s your man”,That’s no excuse. Ladies need to understand one thing for sure one of the ways a woman can come in and steal your man is when she’s independant and can do for herself, that’s less work for him, that’s less noise he has to hear about his lady needing money or how broke she is. Over all ladies, if you can’t fiinacially afford a man, then don’t get one. Men want to be taken cared of too just as much as you do.
I can tell ur an broke ass gay dude!
[…] The Love Equation, Reader Comments, Dating, Relationships. trackback In response to my old post Why Do Some Women Date Broke Ass Dudes?, a commenter just left this interesting reaction from a guys perspective. Interesting […]
lol!
I remember one woman was intent on dating me. It became obvious that she was trying very hard to like me. I pointed it out, and told her I am not hurt if she does not find me attractive.
Her reply, “NO! I want to like men with money, with ambition! I am tired of dating men with no future!”
In the end — she wasn’t attracted to me. She went back to the “broke ass” boys.
I had to let a broke man go. I was falling in love with him, but I just could not envision a future in a small apartment, eating nothing but chicken wings and rice, watching televison every night, and going to the park on my honeymoon. I just lost respect for the man. We couldn’t eat out and go dancing on the same night–we always had to choose one activity. i was willing to pay my way, but just couldn’t stomach the idea of paying his way, too. It’s like bding with less than a man. i work hard, but he only worked his little 9-5. I went back to school for a master’s degree, and he was content with just two years of college and a boring job that he hates, Miserable! I wanted to love him, honest. But, you know what? People are broke for some good, sound reasons, and very few of those reasons make the broke person attractive.
Omg your comment hit close to home, I understand how it feels to be with half or a bit of a man. We as humans are constantly evolving, getting ahead and advancing when I don’t see these traits in a man it scares me I’m an independent woman who need great man along with security it’s just innate qualities we as women have and want.
I agree with Julie. In the past I dated broke guys and rich guys. And it all comes down to one thing – it is not the amount of money your man had, but his drive, ambition and abilities that count. When I married my ex we could not afford pizza. Literally. But he had a lot of drive to succeed and was willing to work his ass off! In less than 5 years we had striving business that we built together. We did part our ways eventually but not because of money.
A man who is satisfied with nothing is a man not worth being with.
Dr. Love, more like Mr. Moron.
Today is the first and last day I’m reading this guy. Someone please take away his typewriter and send him to a women’s studies class and then a class about sexual liberation and then a class about humanity and then a class about… oh, sheesh, never mind. Just take away the typewriter.
And send him back to the suburbs.
I don’t know if it’s about control. I’m going to agree with the first commenter that it’s about LOVE.
I am dating a man 11 years older than me who for all intents and purposes is broke. I don’t know if I can keep this up though. After two and a half years of watching him go through three jobs, just moving from his parent’s place, receiving welfare and consciously sabotaging his current job, I’m tired.
I have a son. I work two jobs. I have my own money and know we can’t cohabitate because of his credit rating. Yet I love him. Is that wrong? I keep flip/flopping on how I feel about being with him, knowing that I deserve more (I mean I got a freaking $14 book for Christmas), but I love him anyway. So, no it’s not about control. It’s about love.
I see a common theme in the comments used to justify a lot of comments, its usually success vs dirt poor. Noone ever talke about being content somewhere in the middle. This is where the problem lies.
I dated a broke ass guy just this part year. It was the biggest mistake of my life! I have always dated men that have been financially stable, but I don’t even know why I continued with him. Over all I consider myself a good person, i’m a very blunt and straight forward person though. I knew getting into the relationship that he wasn’t stable but I over looked it and didn’t want to seem like a shallow gold diggin person. It got to the point that I blew up on him and I told him that I honestly didn’t see us going anywhere because he didn’t have no ambition what so ever. I asked him one day when we were walking back from renting a movie, well that I paid for and rented, ugh! I asked him what do you want to do with your life in the future, he was like I want to be famous. In my head I was like wtf, is he being serious, poor fool I thought to myself this is so not going to work. Everytime we would go to a resturant I would basically most of the time end up paying or paying what he couldn’t. He was freaking 23 years old and still didn’t have a car nor his drivers license!! Talk about a loser, though he was a loser I deeply cared about him. That made it harder for me to let him go, but at the end I did. It didn’t end well at all, he ended up being an asshole not worth my time nor money! I learn my lesson the hard way, my bank account did too. So ladies don’t ever date a broke guy, it’s not worth it! As for love, you can love him but at the end of the day he will always be broke, but remember to love yourself more! Never ever again will I date a broke guy.
Wow that sounds like my situation, the only thing is im still together with this broke ass dude. I deeply care about him and he has become one of the closest people in my life. But ive come to the point where paying for everyhing is getting cut off and see what happens. I dont think this will go well. But thanks for the advice.
Because women are stupid, but find myriad ways to justify their stupidity.
Next question.
Love don’t pay the bills. Is a woman expected to sit in the house and watch movies the entire duration of the relationship? Why not pick up a date at the local homeless shelter?
Uhm. this is what many single women do anyways, stay at home and watch netflix and hang out with their pets, so whats the point again?
Women date broke guys to keep someone around until the right guy with money comes along. Women and men just need to date thier equal mentally, financially, and spiritually.
I agree with Marie. It’s not the worst thing in the world to date a broke man. Most good women will hang in there and try to really give the man a chance. I dated a broke man for a year and a half. Because I loved him, I tried to encourage him and help him start his own business. I invested a lot of money into the relationship (including $ he always needed to borrow until payday and never seemed to be able to pay me back). Eventually I got tired of it and realized that if he really wanted to do better, he could’ve done anything to improve his financial situation in that year and a half we were together. He was all talk and no action. My ambituous nature wouldn’t allow me to settle for that nonsense. I realized, if I stuck with the relationship, I would be hurting my future in the long run…so I cut him off. Even though I walked away with the burden of debt, I felt better knowing that I wouldn’t be losing any more time, energy or money by waiting around for him to get his life in order. So my experience dating a broke man was not good. If I were the type of woman that didn’t want anything out of life, maybe things would have turned out better, but that was not the case. I am much happier now and in a better financial position than I have ever been now. I learned my lesson!
I agree totally with you. Broke people should stay with other broke people until they grow tired of being professional brokologists .My father told me a man with his hand out is a hobo. There’s no reason why ANYONE should want to date a hobo. I make good money as a Systems Analyst. I used to believe it was my job to be the breadwinner in the relationship because I had heard it before from so many women, including those in my family.
Consequently, I used to date broke ass women and pay their way through life right up until I met a woman that owned her own business, making way more than what I did. She was every bit as generous with me as I was with her and she had a lot more disposable income. Used to fly me to Atlantic City first class. She introduced me to so many brand new things that I had no clue about before her.
It didn’t work out in the end, but she taught me that bread exists to be won, period, end of sentence. Bread can’t show or tell. Bread ain’t too broke to make bail. Bread don’t know who the hell’s trying to win it and spend it. Bread exists to be won. And if you aren’t out there trying to win some bread, especially in America?!?!, you ain’t worth the skin you’re in. Being broke is an infectious disease. Any woman making significantly less than I do better stay the hell away from me. I don’t care how fine you are; keep that broke @$$ on quarantine.
I’m a BMW (Black Man Working). I need a LEXUS (Lucratively Employed eXtraordinary Upward-bound Sister) sitting beside me in the driveway. I’ll never date another broke ass woman as long as I live.
It is difficult for a guy when he loses everything he had materially.
In my case, I lost it ALL in a matter of months but I grew as a person. It makes me feel un-secure of myself when I meet women ’cause of my financial situation.
I’m working on my own business, tried changing jobs (got rejected ’cause of my credit 3 weeks ago) and I’m working on my own personal development. If you’d meet me you wouldn’t even remotely think I’m sleeping in a living room and have no money… all I read is “don’t date a broke guy”, but what if that broke guy got hit hard with life but he’s doing everything he can to turn that situation around? What if that guy is not your average, poor-me, I hate my life broke guy? But he’s actually a very hard-working man who has no financial support from anybody but himself? Would you date him? (and he doesn’t ask for hand-outs either lol)
I am in love with a broke ass man and he loves me but it’s taken me many years to realize that love doesn’t conquer all. He is 7 years younger (yes the sex is magnificent) and I use to make excuses that it was maturity and age but after going on an off for 7 years I realized that it wasn’t that. Obviously we are not the same. He’s a talker and despite my support and encouragement he’s still a talker. He’s spent years telling me how he was going back to school. Hell he could have been a doctor at this rate based on the time wasted. I’m working on my Master’s and my own business after being downsized. He wants to get married and have a child but I just can’t do it. I’ve tried and tried to rationalize with myself but I refuse to be broke and struggling. I like to travel, go out and enjoy life. I figure if I have busted my ass and can handle my own as a single mom, why can’t he. I can even understand if he makes less than me but if i’m on unemployment and I’m making about the same as he, that’s some BS. I need a man who is ambitious and can take care of business. I’ve dated several men who had their stuff together but obviously timing wasn’t right or they were involved and didn’t tell me that when we dated. Anyway, I agree that alpha people need to stick with alphas and broke ass people need to stick with their own kind.
I don’t know if I have ambition or not. I have 2 honorable discharges one from the Navy the other from the Army .I have an associates degree that I did not ask Uncle Sam to pay for .. I had a house until I had to do a short sale on it . That’s okay because I am not bitter. I am married have been for 16yrs raised a son that wasn’t even mine but I am okay .
I am young,attractive and I don’t have any kids.I have dated all types of men,But this is the first time I have had a relationship with a man that is broke.We have known each other for six years,And have been together for one.He has never paid for anything for me.I have done everything since day one.I love him but I am sick of always taking care of two people which is making me just as broke is he is.I ask myself why am I still here the sex is even wack…Somebody please explain this to me.!!!!
yes I am with a broke man….got pregnant early in the relationship and waiting for him to get it together…his situation is curious because I met him overseas where he is basically and immigrant out of his country because he left to go to africa thinking he could “make it”…did for a while but is not doing that currently…..I am now in the process of assisting him get out of africa which is going to cost me some money! I am taking care of his daughter basically alone financially and not happy because i feel i’ve sacrificed so much without any return….i dont want it to boil down to money…well it doesnt it is more than that….i want equality…he claims he has all these dreams to do all these things….im giving him a chance to see if he brings any to fruition then will see….but i am having urges to date I can not even lie….i would probably give a good brotha who stpped to me at this point a serious chance! frustrate!
Dont F@$k with broke dudes. I used to date a man who had a great job in the beginning when I first met him then he got fired from his job and went on unemployment for 2 years. H e has 3 kids, which I found out after 1 year of dating. Hes not a college grad and he 43 years old and just started going back to school. he keeps changing his major all the time. He will invite me to have dinner with him and when the bill comes, he looks to me to pay for it…..and its a $45-60 dinner!!! He had to go!!! I would dump him and for months he would always call me asking to come back. So, I sent him a picture of me out on a date, which I didnt pay for, he still wanted to come back. Broke Ass!!!
I’m dating a broke man! It’s not about control for me, its about love. I really love him, he’s the only man I’ve ever loved. But something keeps telling me, he’s only with me because I provide him with food (sometimes) and a place to stay (sometimes). Its so hard for me to tell if he really loves me or he’s using me.
I wish more than anything that he had a job. Any job. McDonald’s, anything! I would love if he could pay for himself, at least some of the time. But he is offended when I say he should work at McDonalds, I guess because he has a college degree.
I understand not wanting to work there, but the thing is, if you really love a woman, you would work anywhere, so that she doesn’t have to pay your way all the time. If I was mooching off other people all the time, I would feel completely useless.
You wonen who are ranting about your broke men that you dated are loosers for real I can’t stop laughing. We women have the power to find a man who loves us and is not broke. Sadly you must have some low self esteem to contemplate this how could you fall in love w/a broke looser ask him questions first fall I’n love later I mean seriously law school broke or med school broke is acceptable but some of you women here have kids and your paying for a man yuck your either extremely overweight or extremely unattractive I’m so disgusted this is how low income familes just never die out ewww
Alexandri,
I know this comment is late, but I just came across this blog, so excuse me for writing this late reply.
Number one, not everyone is rich, famous, or can afford the good life. Some people, actually have to work their asses off for what little they have. I for one, grew up as one of the more well off kids than the rest of the kids I lived around. My dad busted his ass to provide a nice comfortable life for his family. So you could say, I only had broke guys to date, because not many kids were as well off as we were, and that’s not their fault.
I’m now 24, and the man I’m with now, I met when I was 19 and in the military. We started out great, we both had good incomes, and weren’t hurting for anything. Then around the time we get pregnant, he ruins his military career, gets in legal trouble over his stupid ex gf before and his friends, and can’t hold a job longer than 6 months at most! I certainly had no idea he would have turned into this guy at the time, and that I’d go broke supporting all three of us where he wouldn’t grow up. So it’s my fault that he fooled me into thinking he was a good and responsible guy before I got pregnant by him?! No it isn’t! Last time I checked, no woman ASKS for that to happen to her!
Now I will say, in the past year, he’s went back to school, graduated at the top of his class, and still can’t get hired on anywhere because no one around here will touch him because of his two mistermenors. It bothers him and I to no end because he’s not a felon by any means, but no one cares about that.
Does it bother me that I’m supporting an entire family on my own and having to strip on the side to do it?? Yes! Does it bother me that I want corrective surgery to feel better about myself, or to afford a vacation and can’t because of all of this shit? Yes!
But I’m back in college, with a 4.0 GPA and until I graduate, I’m royally screwed and stuck. So I’m so sorry that women like me disgust you and won’t die off. My bad.
Insensitive, unsympathetic bitch.
Alexandri is rude, but he/she does make a point. I just ended a 1-year relationship with a guy who I was in love with but I had to do it because when I tried to talk to him about my funds getting low he couldn’t and didn’t offer to help me out. And no, im not talking about paying my bills but I figure if im driving an hour to his house every week because he has no car, the least he could do was OFFER to pay on some gas or provide the wine. The final straw for me was the other day when he showed me the Xmas gifts he bought for his son and bragged on how he paid $80 for a Lego set. Call me selfish, but I thought to myself “And u can’t even buy me a $1 card? A $2.50 bottle of wine? What the hell am I doing?” Its the thought that counts ladies and in that moment my heart broke because I accepted his flaws and always bought him things as a token of my affection and by him not getting me a gift showed me just how he feels about me. Love is a 2-way street and I’m not gonna keep being considerate of someone who is inconsiderate of me… it hurts too much and I realize that by accepting this I’m settling and I’m not THAT desperate. LOVE YOURSELVES LADIES!!! :-)
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My baby daddy buys designer and has a Mercedes Benz but is a FRAUD, he don’t have a house, love with his sis, very unstable, broke with a snobbish attitude. I already don’t like broke men, let alone cheap men, and now I REALLY CAN’T STAND THEM. It’s a deal breaker.